64 Things to Say Whilst Watching the NCAA Tournament

Because we are kind and thoughtful, we here at Crooked Scoreboard have compiled an extremely useful list of things to say when you are experiencing March Madness with your friends, loved ones, and/or cats. If you follow our lead and say these things, you will not only seem well-informed, but you will also be able to avoid boring conversations about real things that don’t involve a bunch of strangers putting a ball through a net. And in the spirit of the Tournament, we present to you 64 things to say during the Maddest sporting event of all of March!

  • I think at this point Jabari Parker is the clear #1 draft pick. Or Andrew Wiggins. You know what, it’s Wiggins. But maybe Parker…
  • This McDermott kid is good, but he’s no Larry Bird!
  • This McDermott kid is good, but he’s no J.J. Redick!
  • Let’s hope this McDermott kid is no Adam Morrison.
  • The lack of unibrowed players this year is disappointing.
  • I don’t care what you say, college athletes should get paid.
  • I’m sorry, I do care what you say. I’m just passionate about these guys.
  • This team is so talented, they just have to play up to their potential.
  • Oh man isn’t college basketball great? They play defense and everything!
  • Say what you will, but Wichita State just never had to deal with adversity. They’ll barely make it out of the first round.
  • Tom Izzo/Jim Boeheim/Billy Donovan/etc. is a golden god.
  • These guys would destroy the 76ers.
  • These guys will all be 76ers next year.
  • Take that shot, guy!
  • How could you miss that shot, guy?
  • C’mon guy, I could hit that shot. And I’m not even that good at walking up stairs.
  • I can’t believe [insert team here] is beating [insert other team here]
  • That zone defense is a thing of beauty.
  • Why the hell are they playing zone defense!?
  • They definitely wouldn’t make that call in the NBA.
  • Wait, how am I older than all these guys? I need to take a nap.
  • I hate how good Florida is. They’re so boring.
  • What’s a Wofford?
  • How is my bracket already busted?
  • Well, at least Obama’s bracket is busted too.
  • Here’s to hoping Marcus Smart can turn that rage into something positive for his team. He’s just so talented, ya know?
  • Wait which Oklahoma is the good one again?
  • And which Michigan?
  • What about which New Mexico? Diversify your names more, people!
  • This is exciting and all, but I just can’t wait for the women’s tournament (JK on that one)
  • Wait Julius Randle is still good right?
  • And Aaron Gordon?
  • And what school does Dante Exum play for again?
  • That court is so obnoxious.
  • That court is so lame.
  • That’s a well crafted court (JK on that one too)
  • Isn’t that guy in the stands with no clothes and paint everywhere at least a little cold?
  • What is that guy’s paint budget? Is it worth it?
  • Wait, why is North Dakota good?
  • Is Andrew Wiggins really happy right now or is that just how his face is?
  • I know my bracket’s busted, but if these 26 things go right I think I might have a chance.
  • I can’t believe Dick Vitale doesn’t do tournament games.
  • It’s nice to have a break from Dick Vitale.
  • How was this team seeded so low?
  • How was this team seeded so high?
  • How are teams seeded? Wait, don’t tell me, I like a little mystery.
  • That guy is so sweaty! That’s like me the one time I exercised and it was gross and terrible.
  • Man, he really came to play. They all did. They’re showing some guts.
  • Is Albany serious with those uniforms?
  • Shabazz is the coolest name and therefore Shabazz is the coolest player.
  • That short guy is actually not bad!
  • Who is Stephen T. Austin?
  • Xavier’s my favorite school that starts with “X.”
  • Hey that band is pretty dope. I wonder if they could play ball too..
  • I bet a lot of the people in the mascots are Furries.
  • I really thought I had a chance at that $1 billion this year. There’s always next year though!
  • They should go back to wearing short shorts.
  • Wait, who’s playing on the other channel?
  • How do humans who are so large exist? How do they feed themselves?
  • If LeBron played for them they would definitely win this game.
  • Was that an NBA three? Holy cow!
  • Man if I just trusted my gut I could have had a perfect bracket. It’s all in the gut!
  • What do you mean it’s almost over? I can’t wait a whole year for this again!
  • I just want to sit here and watch this always and never go back to school/work/prison.