Jordan Ernst, a 27-year-old native of Upper Darby, PA, garnered significant attention last month when a photo of his “76ers 2015 NBA Champions” tattoo went viral. The tattoo, located on Ernst’s left bicep, depicts 76ers legend Julius Erving with the message carved into his iconic Afro hairstyle.
“Obviously, they’re not going to win, or even make the playoffs. Hubie Brown could tell you that,” said Ernst. “But every time someone gets a tattoo that predicts a championship, it’s a story. So why not do it?”
Ernst’s allegations check out. At press time, 21-year-old Austin Pollock’s “2015 Montana State University Intramural Badminton Winner” tattoo had over 2,000 upvotes on the Intramural Badminton subreddit. 42-year-old Sherrie Bass, who has “Clarissa Bass 2015 Fort Wayne Princess Pageant First Place” tattooed on her right hand, is scheduled to be interviewed tomorrow on one of those shows where female stars of cancelled sitcoms talk about stuff.
“If the media would just stop giving these people press, the tattoos would stop, too,” said University of Rudgeland Sociology Professor Abe Hamill, whose age is not important to this story. “Studies show that no one cares whether his or her prediction comes true. It’s all about the notoriety. They get ink on their bodies so they can get some more ink on the page.”
Hamill echoed Ernst’s sentiments that those who publish satirical or “fake news” articles about predictive tattoos are just as responsible for perpetuating the epidemic as anyone else.