Horford Dedicates Game 5 Victory to Fellow Florida Alumnus

Wednesday night, Atlanta Hawks center Al Horford lifted his team to a key 3-2 lead in the Eastern Conference semifinals, netting the game-winning layup with less than two seconds to play in Game 5. After the game, during an interview with Unfortunately Not Craig Sager, Horford became wracked with emotion when thanking a personal hero.

“I dedicate this game to Todd Barry,” said Horford through tears, referring to the 51-year-old standup comedian and fellow University of Florida alumnus. “Before every game, I have ‘Super Crazy’ [Barry’s 2012 album] pumping through my Beats By Dre. When he talks about his germaphobia, that really speaks to me, man. And don’t get me started on Old Navy.”

When the interviewer tried to shift the conversation to the Hawks’ strategy in Game 6, the 6’10” professional athlete continued to sing the praises of his idol, who stands at 5’6″, max. (Barry’s wingspan and vertical jump were not available at press time.) “Back at UF, Coach Donovan used to tell us that if we worked really hard, we could be just as successful as Todd Barry. We could make All-Star teams, win championships, and just maybe, if we really gave it our all, have multiple comedy albums on iTunes. I didn’t think it was possible back then, but at times like these, I feel I’m getting close.”

Horford was then asked about his goals for the playoffs. “It’s the offseason I’m thinking about most. I finally got the whole ‘Dr. Katz’ DVD set, so that’ll take a couple weeks, at least. And then I’ll spend the rest of the time working on my observational comedy. I’m not bald, and I’m not Jewish, so it’s tough, but I think I’ve got some good material. Have you ever wondered why buses have such low ceilings? How many concussions will people get before something gets done? I crack myself up with that one. If you’re watching, Mr. Barry, I’d be truly humbled to get your thoughts on my set.”

Horford had some strong words to say about Wizards point guard John Wall. “That clown’s a Larry The Cable Guy fan. No wonder his team’s losing if that’s who he’s looking up to. Redneck jokes? Come on. Give me New York-style self-deprecation any day of the week.”

When asked about his return to Washington for Game 6, Horford complained at length that his name was misspelled in the visitors’ locker room.

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Dustin Petzold is the editor-in-chief of Crooked Scoreboard, which you can follow on Twitter.

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