NFL Quick Snaps, Week 16

Falcons running back Tevin Coleman got a concussion last week after he fell in the shower. Referees flagged his rubber ducky for unnecessary roughness. Vikings defender Anthony Barr has missed several games with injuries to his groin and hand. I wonder if he got those in the shower, too? Colts QB Matt Hasselbeck left the

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NFL Quick Snaps, Week 15

The Panthers are unbeaten. Greg Hardy’s girlfriend is jealous. You know how you know Beckham is really mad? He attacks you with BOTH hands. This week, the Force Awakened! And so did the Falcons! Unfortunately, only one of them will still be playing in January. The Falcons, of course, were undefeated at 5-0. That was

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NFL Quick Snaps, Week 14

Panthers got the bye. Falcons got the bye-bye. There are a lot of questions to be answered in Atlanta. Let’s start with: WTF? Atlanta got torched. Which has been a problem, historically. The Falcons got everyone excited but aren’t going to finish. Appropriate for a town famous for its strip clubs. The Rams got a

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NFL Quick Snaps, Week 13

The Panthers are still perfect. The last time Carolina was undefeated was in the fight for tobacco subsidies. Marcus Mariota had an 87-yard touchdown run. I think it finally hit him. “Wait, I moved from Hawaii to Tennessee? I gotta get the hell out of here!” (more…)

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 12

I took a break from eating pie so that I could stick in a fork in the Falcons. For the Falcons, it’s A Tale of Two Seasons. They suck the Dickens. Last year the Falcons got in trouble for piping in fake crowd noise. They need to pump in some fake offense. (more…)

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 11

The Falcons were undefeated for five games, then lost four of their last five. Birds haven’t gone south like this since… every winter. They lost to Matt Hasselbeck. He’s old enough to remember when people actually understood the catch rule. (more…)

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 9

The Panthers are 8-0, and Clemson is number one. Rednecks in the Carolinas haven’t been this happy since Strom Thurmond read phone books to filibuster civil rights. Reggie Bush slipped and tore his MCL on the sidelines, and now he’s suing the city of St. Louis. If St. Louis had any money to give him,

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NFL Quick Snaps, Week 8

The Chiefs beat the Lions 45-10 in London. Usually when you get beaten this badly in England, you’re in the stands at a soccer game. How did the Lions get home? You can’t bring a dumpster fire onto a plane. (more…)