INDIANAPOLIS, IN — An NCAA men’s basketball bracket was busted outside of a local nightclub last night, on charges of drunk and disorderly conduct. Harris Parsons, owner of the popular nightlife destination Converted Cornfield, spoke with reporters about the incident.
“He was just sort of stumbling around, mumbling something about Florida winning it all, and we were like ‘dude, they’re not even in the tournament.’ Then he started threatening to take everyone’s money, and we knew we had to get law enforcement involved.”
The bracket’s criminal record reveals that he has been busted millions of time every March since 1990. Said police officer Dan Davis, “If he’s not getting busted, he’s getting destroyed, ruined, hosed, or flushed down the toilet. But every year, we let him back into our lives. He says to us, ‘this year, I ain’t gonna do nothin’ wrong. I’ll be perfect.’ We always believe him, and look what happens. This year I heard he crashed a Sweet 16 with his accomplice, Hampton.”
Converted Cornfield customer Rachel Marks said she also saw a women’s basketball bracket running the streets and yelling belligerently at passersby. Despite the bracket’s pleas to be busted, no one paid any attention to it.