The Papa John’s Friends

Friends. How many of us have them? I don’t know about you, but I love friends! You can walk with friends, you can talk with friends, heck, you can even watch The Big Game with some friends. While I was watching The Big Game last week, I saw a commercial for pizza starring four friends.

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The Worst Possible Closer Entrance Songs

What’s better than great closer entrance music? Awful closer entrance music, of course. I once compiled a list of such music. There are 71 songs on that list, which mostly holds up seven years later, but which is missing some excellent material. It also contains only snappy (or not-so-snappy, depending on your tastes) one-liners, and is

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The GOP Candidates Love Sports, Too

As the road to the Iowa caucus shortens, and the three-ring circus of American politics continues with an intensity that would make PT Barnum blush, every facet of a candidate’s past becomes public knowledge. Whether it be George W. Bush’s stint as a cheerleader, or Gerald Ford’s impressive career as a lineman for the University

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Dear Stoolies

This is not written to the general public. This is not written in order to expose the disgusting, festering underbelly of sports fandom that one finds in places like Barstool Sports. If you want to read about what’s going on there, read Nicolas Stellini’s piece, read what Jen Mac Ramos had to say, or read

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What’s Now: 2015 or 2016?

There once was a time when sportscasters and sportswriters could answer the important questions of the day, when these great men (of invariably identical pigmentation) could roll up their tweed jackets and get down to brass tacks, when they could finally–once and for all–put a pin in the yapping maw of the unassailable question: “Who’s

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I Don’t Want Your NFL Team

Dear St. Louisans, or Oaklanders, or San Diegans, Sometime next year, one or two or maybe even all three of your NFL teams will move to Los Angeles. You will be heartbroken and emotionally shattered and will have internal conversations about whether you can continue to support your team now that it has returned to

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Of Sportspersons and Horses

Sports Illustrated announced its Sportsperson of the Year on Monday, and it selected Angela Merkel. Wait, wrong pointless year-end honor! The editorial team actually selected tennis great Serena Williams. Very fitting, as she destroyed all sorts of competition on her way to winning three of the year’s four major titles. My money was on JaVale

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A Modest Funding Proposal

To: Wesley Edens and Marc Lasry, owners of the Milwaukee Bucks You got your new arena funded! Congratulations. You’ve carried on the tradition of asking taxpayers to pony up for privately owned sports franchises’ new facilities. In the spirit of public-private partnership, I humbly submit a proposal whose financial diligence is self-evident. If you contribute your

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