There was once a girl named Maria Who said, "Journalists, I must see ya" Then in a hotel They knew all was not well But the problem? They had no idea. Lately she hadn't been winning Her Grand Slam hopes slowly thinning Things are so dire She's gonna retire They thought, in the beginning. She stepped to the mic wearing black Then everyone heard her voice crack "I was caught with a drug For my stomach bug But please oh please let me come back!" Meldonium flowed through her blood But the rules said that stuff was no good "Our laws are quite clear: You must sit for a year! We don't care if you 'misunderstood.'" "But I swear! I'm not so pathetic I took meds 'cause I'm pre-diabetic!" Then why do you sell This candy from Hell? I guess you're not smart, just athletic. Serena found it quite funny Since her "rival" makes so much more money Even though her success Has always been less "Enjoy your vacation, honey!" The fans are too happy to speak For a year spent without her loud shriek We'll see her again But she surely has been A really big Loser this week. *** Dustin Petzold is the editor-in-chief and occasional Bad Poet Laureate of Crooked Scoreboard. You should follow Crooked Scoreboard on Twitter. Nate Koehler is a cartoonist and illustrator who has never run afoul of the Artists Anti-Doping Agency. You should follow him on Twitter, too.