Right around the time this writing is released into the world, the Minnesota Twins will be throwing the first pitch of a series opener against the visiting Angels. They’ll be looking to improve upon the performances they’ve logged so far this season, but whatever happens, at least they won’t be able to do any worse. Nine games into the season, they’re winless, tied with the lowly Braves for baseball’s worst record.
I didn’t want to call the Twins losers this week. Last year, they were winners by all reasonable standards, finishing on the good side of .500 and remaining in the playoff hunt through the final week of the season, even in a rebuilding year. And I still have some fond memories of the Ron Gardenhire era, when the team had a seemingly inexhaustible supply of starting pitchers who never walked anyone but gave up about 20 hits per nine.
The Twins just have to remember that the Sample Size Gods (SSGs) are on their side. Over the course of a 162-game schedule, streaks are inevitable, and this one is more noticeable because it’s come at the very beginning of the season. They’ve had some close losses, and first baseman Joe Mauer has re-emerged as the team’s leading hitter in a lineup full of sub-.200 averages. Mauer will likely come crashing back to Earth (or, more accurately, back to middle-age, injury-prone malaise) at some point, but just as the SSGs have been kind to him early, they’ll eventually show some love to his team as a whole. One or two weeks can’t tell the whole story. This week, one NBA team broke the all-time record for single-season wins, but this record doesn’t tend to fall on a weekly basis. Earlier today, Netflix released 13 new episodes of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” but don’t expect 13 more tomorrow. Donald Trump led the GOP presidential primary’s national polls this week, but that was clearly just a statistical anom–oh, right…
As for the Braves? They just suck. Get ready for 0-162.
Dustin Petzold is the editor-in-chief of Crooked Scoreboard. Follow CSB on Twitter.
Nate Koehler is a cartoonist and illustrator from Wisconsin who was very happy with this choice of Loser Of The Week. You should follow him on Twitter, too.