A Guide to Super Bowl Prop Betting

Gambling is great. It can cut through the daunting numbness of life to allow you to feel again, if just for a moment. But gambling can also be frustrating. What are you supposed to do while you wait around to learn the outcome of your wager? This is where prop bets come in. They allow you to risk money on trivialities of the game before the final score comes in. It’s basically the Turducken of gambling. Here are a few ducks and chicken with which you can stuff your gambling turkey.

On the opening coin toss:

The coin comes up heads 51/49
The coin comes up tails 49/51
The coin does not flip at all 1/2
The coin is swallowed by Joe Namath 1/3

Who performs the national anthem?

Toby Keith 1/5
Miley Cyrus 1/3
Ammon Bundy 1/15

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Which company’s commercial will be the first to air?

Budweiser 1/5
Doritos 1/8
Skynet 1/3

Who will dab first?

Cam Newton 1/3
Britton Colquitt 1/5
Old women  1/7

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Who will have the better pronunciation of “plantar fascia”?

Jim Nantz 1/6
Phil Simms 5/1

Your mother will send an angry email about Cam Newton’s behavior:

Before halftime 3/5
After halftime 5/7

How long will the halftime show take?

Over/under: 19 minutes

How long will the halftime show feel?

Over/under: 3 weeks

Will Coldplay’s Chris Martin receive an FCC fine for showing his breasts during the halftime show?

Yes 1/3
No 1/5

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Which song will Coldplay play to open the halftime show?

The one about rain 1/3
The one about Gwyneth Paltrow 1/10
The other one about rain 1/3

Is Bruno Mars that guy from Mr. Robot?

Yes 1/7
No 1/6

Who will cry first?

Peyton Manning 1/4
Your dad watching Peyton Manning 1/3

Will rules expert Mike Carey state his name correctly?

Yes 1/4
Mark Curry 2/1

Will we be able to hear Tom Brady wistfully sigh all the way from New England?

Yes 10/1
No 1/15

Will somebody at your Super Bowl party bring up Benghazi?

Yes 2/1
No (please)

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Bryan Miller is a comedian who needs to borrow some money for his Super Bowl party. You should follow him on Twitter.

 

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