The World Series is here! We don't recommend mixing it with alcohol, because it's going to be a classic, and you'll want to talk about it with your kids, and your kids' kids, and random kids you meet on the street who have no blood relation to you. If, however, you insist on making adult beverages part of your viewing experience, here is the preeminent guide to how those beverages shall be consumed:
The year 1985 is mentioned
George Brett's picture with Lorde is shown
Someone makes a pun on Brandon Belt's name
Kansas City successfully executes a sacrifice bunt
Travis Ishikawa's NLCS-clinching home run is replayed
Raul Ibanez gives an in-game interview
Ned Yost is referred to as a "mad scientist" (see also: evil genius, chessmaster, Bill Belichick of Baseball)
"Hunter Pence Signs" are referenced or shown
Someone says "wild card"
Pablo Sandoval is called "Panda" or some variation thereof
Bowling For Soup's "1985" is used as lead-in music to a commercial break
Lorenzo Cain misjudges a ball in center field
The Yoenis Cespedes trade is mentioned (they still won't let that go)
"This ninth inning is brought to you by 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'"
Madison Bumgarner pitches a non-quality start
Raul Ibanez gets a plate appearance
Barry Bonds shows up and pretends to care about something other than himself
Someone Makes a Sergio/Tony Romo joke
Someone says "wild pitch"
Nori Aoki is called "Panda" or some variation thereof (because that's racist, and you should drink to forget that)
Either team wears its 1985 throwback uniforms
Someone pinch runs for Jarrod Dyson or Terrance Gore
Jeremy Guthrie wears a shirt that says "Actually, Now That I Think About It, These O's Are Mildly Royal"
Someone pronounces "Yusmeiro" correctly
A fan catches a ball in his or her beer cup
Raul Ibanez gets a hit
Joe Buck refers to Harold Reynolds or Tom Verducci as Tim McCarver
Someone makes a Sergio Romo/Sergio Garcia joke
Someone says "take a walk on the wild side"
Barry Zito performs the National Anthem
A player attains an OPS of exactly 1.985
Jarrod Dyson delivers a postgame critique of the CDC's response to Ebola
A Royals fan wears a shirt that says "Meh, I Like The Chiefs Better"
An injury results from the collapse of a foul pole
Someone says, "If only this were as exciting as the College World Series"
Raul Ibanez is named World Series MVP and Commissioner of Baseball
Ned Yost is referred to as "romantically linked to Jennifer Lawrence" (see also: Nicki Minaj, Steve Buscemi)
Either team hires Jack McKeon to manage Game 7
Someone says "wild boars have stormed the field"
The World Series is cancelled because we all decide we'd rather watch "New Girl"