The Stages of Trade Grief

For many hockey fans, the suffering is just beginning. The trade deadline has only recently passed. The ringing in their ears is loud, the nausea has kept them up all night, and the path to healing remains long and hard. Trade grief is real, and it afflicts fans of all sports. It leads to eating

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A Specialty Food for Every NHL Team

With the announcement this week that the Dallas Stars would be offering a heart attack-inducing “Klingburger” at home games, named after defenseman John Klingberg, I offer proposals for player-themed food items for the NHL’s other 29 teams: Anaheim Ducks: Ham & Cheese Samis Because you have to be at least 70 to substitute “samis” for sandwiches,

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A Modest Funding Proposal

To: Wesley Edens and Marc Lasry, owners of the Milwaukee Bucks You got your new arena funded! Congratulations. You’ve carried on the tradition of asking taxpayers to pony up for privately owned sports franchises’ new facilities. In the spirit of public-private partnership, I humbly submit a proposal whose financial diligence is self-evident. If you contribute your

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The Five Biggest Turkeys in Sports

It’s Thanksgiving, and that means pumpkin lattes, premature spurts of Christmas, half-eaten cranberry gelatin things that your aunt brought because she remembers the World War II or something, and turkeys. Live turkeys, John Madden turkeys, hand-outline turkeys, turkey gizzards, turkey leftovers, turkey bacon, and the great pile of metaphorical blog turkeys, which may or may

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Hot in Columbus: A Hockey Love Story

On October 20, John Tortorella told Sirius/XM he had “not been contacted” by any struggling NHL teams about taking over a head coaching position. On the morning of October 21, he was named the new coach of the Columbus Blue Jackets. Most assumed Tortorella, who has a reputation for being difficult, was lying. Crooked Scoreboard has

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