Five More Things the Masters Should Trademark

Last year, The Masters and Augusta National Golf Course actually filed a trademark for broadcaster Jim Nantz’s iconic tournament lead-in, “A tradition unlike any other.” The filing was reported by brand fetishist and bipedal press release Darren Rovell, but it drew little ink elsewhere. But this precedent got me thinking: what other elements of The

Continue Reading →

Alternate Capital One Commercials That Are More Sympathetic to Charles Barkley

1. “CHANGE” EXT. TOLL ROAD – NIGHT The road’s quiet. Barkley steers the car under the lights of the tollbooth–his brightened face shows the trademark wrinkles of exposure to Spike Lee’s GARBAGE COMMENTARY all day, but we can see that he appreciates Samuel L. Jackson’s company. The car slows–Chuck’s a RESPONSIBLE DRIVER. Barkley throws the

Continue Reading →

How to Beat the Golden State Warriors

Method 1: Unbridled Competence Step 1: Play really, really, really good basketball for 48 minutes. This step is pretty crucial. Step 2: Hope the Warriors play like hot garbage. This step is also pretty crucial. Pro tip: encourage Andrew Bogut and Anderson Varejao to play. Step 3: Beat the Warriors! Congratulations, you’re now in the illustrious company of the Lakers, Bucks,

Continue Reading →

A Sportswriter’s Lament

Editor’s Note: Today’s guest writer is Frank Candor, whose book, Tipping is a Sign of Weakness, was just released. This article has been adapted, with his permission, from the unsaved AppleWorks document on his desktop.” Following Sunday’s Super Bowl, I expected to feel relieved. After all, we’d avoided the nightmare of Cam Newton smiling on a

Continue Reading →