Five More Things the Masters Should Trademark

Last year, The Masters and Augusta National Golf Course actually filed a trademark for broadcaster Jim Nantz’s iconic tournament lead-in, “A tradition unlike any other.” The filing was reported by brand fetishist and bipedal press release Darren Rovell, but it drew little ink elsewhere. But this precedent got me thinking: what other elements of The

Continue Reading →

LeBron James: The Unfollowing

Get nervous, Cleveland, because your love-hate-love relationship with LeBron James might be nearing another hyphen. LeBron has a Twitter account with which he follows 153 “people,” including GQ and Sprite. You know who LeBron doesn’t follow? @Cavs.

Alternate Capital One Commercials That Are More Sympathetic to Charles Barkley

1. “CHANGE” EXT. TOLL ROAD – NIGHT The road’s quiet. Barkley steers the car under the lights of the tollbooth–his brightened face shows the trademark wrinkles of exposure to Spike Lee’s GARBAGE COMMENTARY all day, but we can see that he appreciates Samuel L. Jackson’s company. The car slows–Chuck’s a RESPONSIBLE DRIVER. Barkley throws the

Continue Reading →

Bill Raftery Narrates One of My Romantic Encounters

Nothing evokes March Madness like the sound of Bill Raftery’s high-decibel, catch-phrase-riddled commentary. But you might be surprised to know that he puts in a lot of hours outside of university basketball venues. He’ll do pretty much anything, as long as you provide the microphone and the ham sandwich. So I hired him to follow

Continue Reading →

NFL Quick Snaps, Free Agent Frenzy

Adam Schefter reported that Colin Kaepernick wants to play for the Browns, further proving that the NFL has to do something about concussions. ESPN predicts that Johnny will sit for a while. I don’t think he’ll be sitting. He’ll be dancing awkwardly with a champagne bottle.

Historical Teams That Could Beat the Warriors

With 53 wins through 58 games, The Golden State Warriors hold the best record in NBA history. At their current pace, they could beat the ’96 Bulls’ record of 72-10. So what? They think they’re so great, but there have obviously been so many better teams. Retired NBA stars Stephen Jackson and Cedric Ceballos have

Continue Reading →