I took a break from eating pie so that I could stick in a fork in the Falcons.

For the Falcons, it’s A Tale of Two Seasons. They suck the Dickens.

Last year the Falcons got in trouble for piping in fake crowd noise. They need to pump in some fake offense.

The first two Thanksgiving games were so boring, people talked to their relatives instead.

The Lions are proving you can lose seven times and still have a chance. So keep your chin up, Mitt Romney!

The Eagles were so bad, Santa Claus booed them.

The Panthers made a wish with Tony Romo’s collarbone. Apparently, his Achilles’ heel is higher up than most.

Adrian Peterson is a beast. He’s run farther than Forrest Gump, and has about the same understanding of social norms.

Aaron Rodgers hurt his wrist. Who needs a healthy wrist when you have Olivia Munn at home?

Manziel is supposed to be a great runner, but he can’t make it through 12 steps.

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Costaki Economopoulos is a comedian who’s thankful for the Cleveland Browns. You should follow him on Twitter.