James Harden’s Postseason To-Do List

• Ice cream. Ice cream all the time.
• Lose Game 1 against the Warriors
• Visit National Beard Museum
• Get tickets for AC/DC with Axl Rose
• Cancel Bruce Bowen tutoring sessions
• Lose Game 2 against the Warriors
• Finally play that stupid 2K16 “Livin’ Da Dream” thing
• More ice cream. Ice cream even more of the time.
• Buy more cones
• Win Game 3 against the Warriors so they don’t suspect anything
• Join book club and pretend to really get Dave Eggers
• Cedar Point!
• Open National Beard Museum
• Lose Game 4 against the Warriors
• Watch all 87 “Chopped” episodes featuring cancer patients/survivors
• Alpacas for the backyard
• Invest in Black & Decker’s new video-streaming service
• Play Game 5 against the Warriors (I should’ve thought this through more.)

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Dustin Petzold is the editor-in-chief and resident listmaker at Crooked Scoreboard. You should follow the site on Twitter.

Nate Koehler is a cartoonist and illustrator based in Madison, WI. You should follow him on Twitter, too.