Sam Bradford Spurns Eagles with Surprise New Album, Gatorade

In a surprise move, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford stunned his team by requesting a trade and speaking out against the organization in a new genre-bending R&B album, titled Gatorade.

Both the album—which includes the tracks “Pray You Catch This” and “Don’t Hurt Yourself (Especially Your ACL)”—and the trade request reportedly “blindsided” the Eagles staff, who acknowledged that Bradford has some serious pipes, but also said they still expect him to be their starter going into the 2016 season.

Some of the cryptic lyrics on Gatorade add fuel to rumors of discord in the Bradford-Eagles marriage. The album intensified speculation that the front office is having a dalliance with a younger, healthier quarterback.

Football fans, Pitchfork writers, and the six sober people in Philadelphia are combing through the songs looking for clues about the Bradford-Eagles dispute. The new tracks provide plenty of fodder for debate. On the rock-tinged anthem “Don’t Hurt Myself” (featuring Jack White) Bradford belts out:

Who the fuck you think I am?
You ain’t signed no Sanchez II boy
Watch my ankle twist, boy
As I bounce to the next bench, boy
This is your final warning
You know I give you cap space
If you try this shit again
You gon’ have to start Chase.

Bradford raised even more eyebrows with a line from the track “Sorry,” where he croons, “He better call Carson with the good knee.”

Quarterback Carson Wentz only exacerbated the situation when he posted a photo of himself on Instagram with the caption “Good knee, sorry B.”

This is Bradford’s second season with the Eagles after netting an $11 million signing bonus, and his fifth R&B album. He was previously married to the Rams.


Bryan Miller is a comedian who dropped his album Seltzer Water last week. You should follow him on Twitter.