The Stadt Sheet: Cubs Win!

Some say Rajai Davis gave all of Chicago a heart attack. That’s a huge compliment coming from a city with pierogis for arteries.

Cubs fans were ecstatic the agony finally came to an end. It’s unclear if they were talking about the World Series drought, or Vince Vaughn’s version of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

The rain delay only lasted 17 minutes. Even God can only listen to A-Rod for so long.

Progressive Field showed Games 3-5 on the Jumbotron. It’s unknown if the Kiss Cam showed the Indians kissing a 3-1 lead goodbye.

In Game 6, Addison Russell tied a World Series record with six RBIs. Tyler Naquin also tied a World Series record with six apologies.

Naquin was benched for Game 7, but Terry Francona said “it’s not punishment, it’s trying to win.” Punishment comes next week when he gets traded to Oakland.

The Indians handled the loss with dignity and class, or as the Blue Jays call it, “weird craziness.”


Keith Alberstadt is a comedian who will now go into hibernation until Opening Day 2017. You should follow him on Twitter.