With Alex Rodriguez retiring, Major League Baseball is expected to shower his career with praise. And by praise, I mean asterisks.

A-Rod is set to make $20 million next year as an advisor to the Yankees, a deal that proves how badly the Yankees need a good advisor.

Tim Tebow is attempting a transition to baseball, where he said he sees himself as an outfielder. So did the Denver Broncos.

Tebow’s agent noted how much his client appreciates the value of hard work and perseverance. To which the Minnesota Twins replied, “Well, we’re out.”

The Dodgers sent Yasiel Puig to the minors. Appropriately, it’s Triple-A, where maybe he can jumpstart his career.

The Dodgers say they fully expect Puig to return to the club. And they fully expect him to pull a hamstring doing it.

Puig released videos on Snapchat showing him partying with teammates after a loss. He immediately received a cease-and-desist letter from Johnny Manziel’s lawyers.

Earlier this week, Manny Machado hit a home run in each of the first three innings, earning the opposing pitcher a participation trophy.

In announcing that his playing career is over, Prince Fielder said, “My brain was good but my body just gave out.” In other words, a reverse John Rocker.

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Keith Alberstadt is a comedian whose request to play third base for the Yankees was also denied. You should follow him on Twitter.