Maricopa County, Arizona rejected most of the $65 million the Diamondbacks requested for upgrades to Chase Field. Said officials, “That’s a lot to spend on renovating the cellar.”

The Yankees are said to be aiming for a “younger and leaner” roster. Bartolo Colon will not be a Yankee anytime soon.

The Little League World Series is underway. You can tell because the Braves keep yelling “we got next!”

When Aroldis Chapman left a game recently, a Cubs employee played the song “Smack My Bitch Up.” He was soon fired, because Jose Reyes called dibs on that song months ago.

The Marlins reportedly expressed interest in signing A-Rod. Weird. Usually when people in Florida see something washed up, they push it back.

After a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, Oakland’s Billy Butler suffered a concussion. Doctors knew there was some sort of head injury when Butler said something about an “A’s playoff run.”

The White Sox are ending their sponsorship deal with US Cellular. It’s a huge shock, since getting dropped like that is more of a Sprint thing.

The White Sox stadium next year will be called Guaranteed Rate Field. And by “Rate,” they mean “mediocrity.”

After striking out on a deal in Tustin, the Angels have renewed stadium talks with Anaheim, continuing the tradition of Anaheim being Southern California’s Plan B.

William Shatner threw out the first pitch at a Red Sox game. The ball took a dramatic pause 30 feet from the mound before finally reaching the plate.

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Keith Alberstadt is a comedian and beleaguered Mets fan. You should follow him on Twitter.