23-Year-Old Male Seeks New Roommate

$1670 Room for Rent on Sunset Strip with a baller (LA)

Posted March 29

Got one room available in my pad and I need a football-lovin bro who likes to party on and off the Sunset Strip to fill it. No bed? No problem. The room’s already furnished with the finest maroon & white inflatable furniture  (AGGIE NATION ALL DAY). $1,670 rent includes utilities and makes this room a dual threat. Rent also includes DirectTV and I got every channel if you wanna watch on the big screen in the living room (Except ESPN. That ish is blocked. Go watch that in your room if you like being criticized for keeping it 100.) Just looking for someone chill who wants to hang with other chill people. Speaking of chill bros, my friend DRAKE* is prob gonna be hanging around if you’re into that sort of thing. Anyways hit me up before this room disappears faster than a case of Keystone from our fridge. (j/k)

*Drake’s friend Ryan, but sometimes Drake shows up!

Contact me at [email protected] if you got any more questions.

do NOT contact me about whether I’m joining the Broncos.

$1670 Room for Rent on Sunset Strip with a baller — TAKE TWO (LA)

Posted April 11

This is your LAST CHANCE. Spot’s still up for grabs for a cool bro to room with. Dope location on the strip. Added perk for those of you who can’t stand Uber surge pricing and LA valets: My man Ryan’s got us covered and drives us everywhere the party calls us. Never worry if you stumble, his ride will scoop you where you tumble.

do NOT contact me about how many times I tried to join Drake’s OVO crew

$1470 Room for Rent on Sunset Strip with a baller — this triple post is a trip (LA)

Posted April 14

This room is STILL on fire y’all. Banging price. Banging location. Ryan’s your personal DD as SOON as he gets his car out of the shop (Damn streetlights are popping up on sidewalks out of nowhere these days). I’ll even drop the price on the room by $200 just to show you how much a bro cares about his fellow bro in this economy. Plus it’s not like I drove the car into the pole. Just here to party, not drink* okay?

*I mean maybe I’ll have a shot of peach Ciroc now and then but that’s like juice.

do NOT contact me about whether I question my life choices

$1270 Room for Rent on Sunset Strip with a baller — HOT HOT HOT (LA)

Posted April 17

Last notice y’all! I’m getting crazy inquiries. Told you this room is on fire. Speaking of fires, this room actually WAS on fire last night (Your man Manziel is a psychic). My peeps got a little crazy with the sambuca shots when the party moved out of the living room. If you don’t cringe at the singe, I’ll slice the price by another $200. And if you doubt the quality then you don’t have to take my word for it. Ask my former roommates Von Miller and Josh Gordon–they can testify that it lives up to man cave standards. Serious inquiries only!!

do NOT contact me about whether I actually have any friends

$1070 Room for Rent on Sunset Strip with a baller — for REAL friends only (LA)

Posted April 18

HA it turns out when you tell people to ask Von and Josh they really DO ask Von and Josh. OK y’all got me, y’all got me. Maybe they didn’t “live” live here, but they’ve definitely sat on the furniture—and that’s the truth cuz I need to pump up the couch again. Plus I Facetime with Von every day so TECHNICALLY he’s been in my living room. I’ll drop the price even lower AND cut the security deposit.

do NOT contact me asking for Von’s phone number

NAME your price for Room for Rent on Sunset Strip — someone give me a ball. ANY BALL (LA)

Posted April 22

C’mon guys. Bros need love too. You pick the price this time. You can even watch ESPN. Real talk: I just need one person to stay here a couple of nights and hold my hand while I try to fall asleep. I already asked Josh but he said no 🙁 And no I DON’T care if it’s a dude since I’m already sleeping with my Heisman every night.

please contact me. I need human contact

Natalie McGill is a writer and comedian who can be booked for gigs on Craiglist and Twitter.