Thou Shalt Not Start Falsely: The Gospel of the NFL


Belichick 12:4-7 “And, lo!, though he gazethed upon the enemy, he could not see their signals, and he knew not their meaning. So he gave orders to his men, saying, ‘Hark! We will not be victorious unless we know our enemy’s plans. Go ye therefore and observe their signals.’ Thus spoke Belichick and it was done.”

Gospel of Noll 3:5-15 “There was only despair when out of the darkness arrived a man called Charles Henry, and Charles Henry called himself Chuck, and he brought hope to the men of the Black and Gold, worn down by many plunderings from enemies stronger than they. And, Hark! He brought back treasure, bejeweled rings, four times. And four times his men were victors over all the world.”

Tampa Bay 2:14 “The pirates fought, yet were smote by 14 enemies, some weak, some strong. And Lovie Smith, the great hope they heralded as their Savior, did utter great weepings.”

Book of Defense 3:4 “And, behold, seven men lined up and held back the opponents who were attempting to march into their territory, and they caused their enemy’s leader to fall down onto the ground.”

Collinsworth 8:17-25 “The prophet Cris spake and he spake thus: ‘The men who will be victorious will be the ones who cause their enemy to lose. And the ones who lose will be the men who were not able to cause their enemy to submit.’ And Albert Michaels spake, ‘The weather is clear.’”

Hawks of the Sea 7:19 “Unwise is the man who does not give the ball to the warrior they call The Beast and instead instructs his men to hurl the ball into the enemy’s hands.”

Goodell 9:30-35 “And Thomas said unto the high priest, ‘Do not judge me for my misdeeds, for you are unclean and unworthy of trust.’ And the high priest said, ‘I stretch forth mine hand over your masters and all the masters in the land, and the children of my nation will submit to my will.’”

Cleveland 4:6-10 “The first fruits have withered on the vine and lay rotten on the ground, though we chose them above all others and gave up all of our flocks and herds and silver and gold and camels and asses for them.”