The feeling of gently removing the plastic from a new electronic device. Getting into bed after a hard day of work, safely sheltered from all the world’s ills. Chicken parm. Perfection is a rarity in the world, and we need to appreciate it when we come across it. Like waking a sleeping lion, the consequences
Oddly Specific Predictions for the First Round of the 2014 NBA Playoffs
[Writer’s note: I know the first round of the NBA Playoffs just ended, but I swear I came up with all these predictions weeks ago. Due to the overabundance of pieces we’ve written, we just haven’t had a chance to publish it until now. Trust me on this one.] I am excited about the first
Donald Sterling, Sports, and the Illusion of Control
If I were a betting man, I would put all twelve of my bank account’s remaining dollars on the assumption that you’ve heard about this Donald Sterling debacle. But if, by some stroke of odd happenstance you haven’t been inundated with this week’s obsession, here’s what happened in one run-on sentence: Although Donald Sterling has
Sheila and Morty Discuss the Boston Marathon
[The scene: Early afternoon at SHEILA and MORTY’s condo, in an old people’s village somewhere in Florida. They are sitting at their kitchen table eating reheated Chinese food. Sheila reheated it in a pan, because she doesn’t trust the microwave. Their sweaters are almost as old as their children, who moved out about forty years
Which NBA Draft Class Produced the Best Starting Five?
As you know, the 2014 NBA Draft class has been proactively referred to as one of the best collections of talent in the league’s history. We’re just as excited as the next sports blog, but of course we wouldn’t feel right if we didn’t overanalyze this claim in purely theoretical ways. The question I want
Being a Good Sport: Adventures of a Sneaker Salesman
I work in a sporting goods store. Of course, it’s always nice to have a paying job, so I won’t say anything negative about the sporting goods store at which I work. There are certainly positive aspects of working there. For example, do you know the holes you put your shoe laces through are called
Great Reasons Not to Go on a Run Today
In case you were looking for excuses, here are 29 of them. 1. The weather just isn’t ideal for a run. Meh. 2. It’s either too hot or too cold. And if it’s a perfect day, why waste it on a stupid run? 3. If you run you might be too tired later on to
Bold Predictions for the 2014 MLB Season
The crack of the bat, the fresh green grass, the melodious chirps of peanuts vendors… that stuff is all inconsequential. What matters, what really matters, is someone in my position as a universally respected sportswriter making tough, chutzpah-filled predictions. If you’ve got some money burning a hole in your pocket, take it to Vegas and
Get on the Bandwagon, Ya Jerk: The Moral Reprehensibility of Fair-Weather Fans
If you are either a human being or a resident of the United States, chances are you consider yourself a sports fan in some capacity. Typically, most rooting is targeted toward a few particular teams. This is no revelation, but bear with me. Some time ago, a man by the name of B.D. McPherson posited
64 Things to Say Whilst Watching the NCAA Tournament
Because we are kind and thoughtful, we here at Crooked Scoreboard have compiled an extremely useful list of things to say when you are experiencing March Madness with your friends, loved ones, and/or cats. If you follow our lead and say these things, you will not only seem well-informed, but you will also be able
