NFL Quick Snaps, Week 13

The Panthers are still perfect. The last time Carolina was undefeated was in the fight for tobacco subsidies. Marcus Mariota had an 87-yard touchdown run. I think it finally hit him. “Wait, I moved from Hawaii to Tennessee? I gotta get the hell out of here!”

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 8

The Chiefs beat the Lions 45-10 in London. Usually when you get beaten this badly in England, you’re in the stands at a soccer game. How did the Lions get home? You can’t bring a dumpster fire onto a plane.

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 7

The Dolphins were up 41-0 over the Texans at the half. Texans haven’t been embarrassed like this since… no, they’ve been embarrassed like this. Have you ever seen a rodeo?

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 6

What was that crazy play the Colts ran? Maybe it counts as a “trick play” because it makes your faith in the coach disappear. I think it was technically a handoff. They handed the game to the Patriots.

NFL Quick Snaps, Week 5

The Lions are the only winless team, at 0-5. After the game, the Christians asked the Lions for a rematch. It’s been a tough year all around for Lions. First that dentist killed one, now everybody’s piling on. The Lions are so bad, Disney went back and renamed the movie The Bengal King.